muddled cerebrations
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i'm sort of back to the listless yet bulging out of my skin state. i've spent the past few hours trying to find some happy medium between the two extremes as i'm traveling between extremes with very little swing time in the pendulum. closer to teleportation between the two destinations. i go from slung on the couch, staring at the television, while interested in the content, appearing as if the most vapid orator possible is blabbing on and on on the screen. then i go to the other extreme of having this overwhelming rush to feel something tangible or make some sort of connection with another being as i feel so utterly isolated and trapped, with the television lending no help whatsoever to my condition. i'm just not sure what exactly it is that's driving these alternating frenzied to lifeless lows. part of me imagines that meeting up with sh served as the impetus and then the subsequent waiting at the train station for more than forty five minutes really pushed me over the edge on the antsy aspect of it all, and then once i made it back to the apartment, i felt so terrible estranged. perhaps that's it, actually. nothing human, or if not, very few things, is too terribly difficult to retrace and subsequently be able to delineate the origin of. or, maybe i'm just philosophizing a load of trash. ugh.
well at least i feel a slight bit of relief after writing that down.
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